52.5% on a purity test. im only half pure.

do you ever wish you culd take back chunks of your life.. or maybe just ten minutes of your life.. that one crutial moment, that one choice, can have the same impact on your life as an entire year of actions.

if i could go back and change two days... i would. then again, if i had not gone back to change those two days, id go back and change those other two days.. or maybe it would be... nah, not that night. i really dont care to go back to that. but to keep away from that in the first place i should go back to that second couple of days that i could change... but would i change it? if i did im sure i would have done the same thing again eventually, just in a  different frame of mind, and then i wouldnt be sitting here wondering what life would be like if i had only done that one thing different because id know that life.. and maybe, just maybe, i wouldnt want to go back.

an example: there was one night where i walked away. thinking of it now, i didnt have to walk. i could have stayed. i could have been a little late getting home, but come home safe, with things all worked out.. but i didnt. what would have happenned then? in those ten minutes where i could have just turned around back into that life i gave up because i was too scared to admit what i was thinking. is it just inevidable that I'd end up this way?

so im left here to wonder. im left here to dream. im left to think of what might have been, and comforted only but crude logic dictating that im better off as is.

-meeshka-jeremy-

"i try not to think of you, but then i see you and it all comes back"

*tops herself with a paper crown*

i dub me 'queen pathetic'.

-jeremy-

I'v got homework coming out my ass. am i doing it?
Of course not.

i'v got a crush on a boy.. and a crush on another boy. am i trying for their aproval?
Of course not.

i'm broke as a hobo, and look like one too, most days. Am i doing anything to fix that?
of course not.

im overweight by about 30 pounds, with a bacon, cheese and potatoe pie baking in the oven. Am i going to turn down a second serving?
Of course not.

know why?
i guess im content with being a
fat
lonely
procrastinating
hobo.

*sigh* yeah for life. *woot* 

-Betty-

"this is a pretty pathetic resume i'v got here"

so i should update, eh?

uh... stuff happenned.. i dont remember it...

yay me.

-Jeremy-

"oh, my love, my darlin' iv hungered for your touch, (something) lonely times... time goes by... so slowly and time can do so much. are you still mine?"

ok i do have something to update about. i feel stupid all the time... as if i have absolutely nothing good to say.. but i say something anyway so im not completely obliterated from the minds of my friends... then i just feel more stupid. i walk away when i feel stupid because the phrase is true. its better to be thought a fool then to open your mouth and prove it.

right now im blurting everything to sam and i think i sound bitchy even though i dont mean to... im just frusterated with myself and dont know how to words things. im sorry if i offend anyone. i really dont mean to.

yeah.... there's uh... kinda nothin' to say...

do you ever get that feeling that you're an ass? And no matter how hard you try to be someone that everyone else should like you still feel like an ass.... and then when you're yourself.. you know you're an ass? ugh..

Meeshka

"another turning point, a fork stuck in the road. time grabs you by the wrist directs you where to go, so make the best of this task and dont ask why. its not a question but a lesson learned in time. its something unpredictable but in the end is right, i hope you had the time of you life.

so take the photographs and still frames in your mind, hang it on a shelf in good health and good time, tatoos of memeories and askin on trial, for whats its worth it was worth all the while.  its something unpredisctable, but in the end is right, i hope you had the time of your life.

its somthing unpredictable but in the end its right, i hope you had the time of your life

its something unpredictable but in the end its right, i hope you had the time of your life. "

so now that im bawling my eyes out i'm finally taking into consideration that this will be my least year as a 'child' in this society. denial is a nice little accessory that comes with life. i apriciate that gift. you might think that im in denial about the fact that we all grow. no. thats not it at all. im denying that im scared shitless of failure. of responsibilty. not being able to blame my oblivion, and my stupidity on my years. It's not like i had a sheltered childhood to blame it on.

four tiny years that take place at the beginning of everyone journey that lasts a good 60 beyond that. How come thats such a huge deal for everyone? HIGHSCHOOL. its so glorified... everyone feels like they missed out on something in highschool. everyone. therfore, no one missed out, everyones miserable... so why the hell is it so glorified? i think everyone in my year is expecting this grade to turn out to be like some scene from Greese. its really not. its gonna be just like the last.. and the last.. and so on and so forth. hell its like kindergarden, exept now i can reach the cookie jar and i get yelled at more.

Then theres college. whats that? Kindergarden, with rent. The Experimental Years... ooh, iv already been dubbed a lezbian by half the people i know, so whats the difference?

 7y6uh  &n bsp;  ty7y6u7y b  7y6yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy yyyyyy

that was me beating my head against the keyboard. im ready for it. im jsut as ready as ill ever be. ill take it day by day. step by step. next thing you know your looking back on it all going, saying 'where did it go?'

i hate that question. it went where you put it. i was sleeping most of it, drunk a good hunk of it, and complaining the rest.

yeah, school starts soon. then college starts soon, then job starts soon, then retirement starts soon... then guess what. your dead.

so enjoy the ride.

Jack Jeremy

iv found two roads i could follow.
neither are really all that great.
one is low, devious, and damaging, socially
the other is one a big person would take, full of pride and self respect, but damaging emotionally.

what do you think folks?

be a bitch and flip the finger where its been previously flipped by others?..

...or bite my tougue and smile?

-Jack-Jeremy-

Why do you think you know me so well?

I don't think you do.

I think you think you do.. but you dont.

Hell, maybe you do.. and I dont..

Maybe I'm just that godamn predictable.

I cant fuckin stand this.

But... I'm fine.

-Jack-

Alrighty, So I had this dream last night..
And in the dream, he told me he'd had a dream about me.. 
A rather Erotic dream.. I wont go into detail about it..
But why would I be dreaming of him dreaming of me? Its just not right..  

-Betty-

They pinch hard!